Tuesday, August 16, 2005


On Sunday I had a friend over for dinner, and after dinner I hauled out a box of photo albums to look through. We looked at pictures from my time at Queen's, a visit to Thailand, and a couple from China. Yesterday while putting the box back I noticed an old journal of mine in it and pulled it out for a read. It was from my 4th year at university. I began to skim through it.
At times I laughed at myself and my immaturity (of faith, of life), at times I was impressed at insight I had into scriptures, and at times I felt like someone watching 'Titanic'. You know how the movie is going to end, yet for some reason you find yourself hoping that the boat avoids the iceberg at the last second and doesn't sink. Ok, bad example. Point being, it's interesting to read through the events of your own life almost 6 years later and know how it's going to work out yet hoping that the main character would wise up and make better decisions. I guess this just means that I'm a bit wiser and more mature than I was 6 years ago, which has direct correlation to the events that took place back then. I had a conversation with a co-worker today, and he said that in many ways our lives are defined by the hard times we go through, the times of suffering, and how we handle them. As a result we either grow up or we let the suffering ruin us. I found myself praising God for his grace as I read last night. If I can look back on my own 'brilliance' 6 years later and see the stupidity of some of my thoughts and actions, what does it look like to God, who defines wisdom. I think he sees it through the lens of grace. I learned to ride a bike without training wheels. However, there were definitely times when my dad would be running beside me with his hand holding the seatpost, keeping me steady, until I was ready, even as I tried to speed away from him. In the same way, God's steadying hand has been holding me throughout my life as I venture into each new episode and situation, whether I know it or not. Grace.


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